11 Tips for Living on Your Own
Why 11? Because it's my favourite number and this is all about rediscovering yourself and what you love about you.
I thought I would put together a few ideas for you to explore if you find yourself living on your own and share some difficulties that you may also face too. I realise that a lot of what I write is from a place where a separation has taken place, so be mindful of this when reading. I believe everyone is individual and will experience things in their own way, so interpret and take whatever serves you and leave behind what doesn't align for you.
You'll bloom again beautiful.
1. Talk to yourself
Firstly, always start your day by greeting yourself.
I usually alternate between "good morning beautiful" or "hello beautiful woman" - it's a way of acknowledging your presence; you are valid, you are worthy, you are here. It can be accompanied with a shoulder kiss.
I cannot stress this enough - it's the thing that helps me figure out how I am feeling and where my energy is at with regards to people, places and projects. You may find another method that serves you, but for me putting pencil to paper really helped me get to grips with understanding myself better.
3. Only use one bedside table.
This may seem odd, but a big thing for me when I moved out of my married house and into a space on my own was making the conscious decision not to place bother pieces of furniture next to my bed. It takes away that knowing that another person is not present.
4. Fill your space with things YOU love.
Not things you shared together. This is important as you're discovering who you are again. I understand that in the beginning this may be difficult and you may need things practically, but each day you'll find your feet more and more. And remember if an item makes you cry when you hold it; hold yourself.
You may miss them, or reminisce over memories made and that is totally ok. You're exactly where you're right now and your feelings are valid in this moment. Over time your emotions will shift, but if you need to sob right now then let it all out and cleanse your soul.
5. Get out and explore.
You may find yourself in a new area or in an unfamiliar setting from what you already know. I can empathise with how this feels. It can feel like an upheaval, like your roots have been lifted, moved and repotted.
Getting out for a walk to explore can be a great way to discover what's around your dwelling. You may even meet people who become familiar faces as you settle into your new chapter. Even better if you can find a patch of nature nestled nearby for those moments where you need to ground yourself and connect back with the wisdom of nature.
6. Put things where you damn want to babe.
Just because the toaster was out on the kitchen surface does not mean it has to be there in this new space of yours. It'll feel different at first, but the details from the past will dissolve and you'll become much more focused on the present soon.
7. Check out what solo means.
By this I mean check out if you're entitled to any benefits from living solo. I'll be honest this isn't something I've explored in much depth, but I do know that there are things that can help with financial matters.
8. Make meals YOU love.
I actually found my diet changed massively as I unwound from the twines of my relationship. Have fun, try new things. See what you love and what your body enjoys.
9. Take yourself on a date.
Speaking of food one of the most liberating things I did and still enjoy is eating out alone. It can seem very daunting at first, but once you've done it a few times it becomes so natural and I have found you actually get a lot more connection and conversation from the establishment.
One thing that I did change in my dialogue was moving from "table for one" to choosing to say "table for me" or "just me" when prompted to answer the query of the number of diners. By changing the way your word something, can have a profound effect on how it makes you feel. It helped me hugely with that feeling of being alone, instead it flips it and appears like you're choosing to spend time with yourself, which is far more empowering.
Oh and if you can try and sit in a space where there's only one chair or multiple - I found sitting at the bar or counter beneficial as you get the interaction of the staff on duty and you're not facing that empty chair opposite you. Those two chair tables can be detrimental to your awareness that there's someone "missing".
10. Always carry your journal or a book if possible.
You do not know when you may have a moment on your own (waiting for the bus, your meal to arrive, an appointment to commence) - it's so easy to turn to a digital device, but to me that just enhances that feeling of loneliness when no notification appears and so you scroll seeing other people's lives.
A book; you've instantly got characters to connect with or at least a voice talking to you if it's a solo writer self help style book or educational piece.
A journal; allows you to talk to yourself - people may think this is "mad" talking to yourself, let them. You're starting the process of becoming "mad"ly in love with your life and you again.
This one is one I'm still working on! It seems far too easy to grab that device.
11. And in at number 11... this one's a biggy beyond big.
BE KIND TO YOURSELF
There are moments and times where emptiness surrounds you and you are consumed by your thoughts. You sob in your towel. You eat the entire contents of your fridge. You go through all the emotions in one sitting. Potentially feeling forgotten or frustrated or just generally tired.
Remember that you are healing a heart and a home.
You are doing so much to look after yourself.
Just some of the things you may be doing that take up your energy.
You are working.
You are cleaning.
You are cooking.
You are journaling.
You are washing.
You are meditating (or trying to before the thoughts kick in)
You are exercising.
You are shopping.
You are reading.
You are watching films.
You are figuring our what fun means to you.
You are rewiring.
You are working on other relationships (not necessarily romantic ones)
You are paying the bills.
You are doing the laundry.
You are doing the dishes.
You are ironing.
You are making the bed.
You are dressing.
You are showering (preferably before the dressing part)
You are doing A LOT!
And often with no support.
Let yourself relax.
Let yourself sleep.
Let yourself daydream.
And if you just need to let out some energy then I know that for me popping on some music and moving my body helps. In fact that's what I'm going to do right now.
But again it's all about YOU.
What can you do to be kind to yourself and make this chapter and transition in life yours?
Take care sweetheart.